Now I will explain what I call a “recipe”… Or at least what happens when you have very VERY little in terms of food and a lot of seasonings. Y’know what? Eff it, I’ll just go into what can be known as “food”, namely, German Soup.
German Soup can entail pretty much ANYTHING… the only “rule” is that it has to start with a base of boiling water and ramen seasoning packets (not necessarily the noodles) and here’s my latest incarnation.
German Soup (Nov 11th 2010 ed.)
1 packet each of Oriental, Shrimp, Creamy Chicken ramen soup base
1/2 lbs of angel hair pasta
1 box bacon cheeseburger Hamer Helpar (I’m sure you know the real name)
1 packet Alfredo Tuner Helpar seasoning (the noodles were previously stolen… yeah… stolen)
1 packet sauce topping from Cheesy Enchilada Hamer Helpar
1 can of Manwish (the crap you put in sloppy joes, y’know what I mean!)
1 packet Oriental ramen
1 box Trumpet-mann’s (said in a raspy voice!) Black Beans and Rice
Fake-ass crabmeat
1 packet Liptown epic garlic-herb soup stuff
1 can Porkgresso Veggie soup
1/2 stick o’ buttar
1 packet burrito seasoning (o-fricken-le!)
Mexican cheese
salt, crushed red pepper, cayenne, garlic, dried onion, chili powder, and other crap I don’t remember
water
Directions: boil salt and all ramen seasoning packets with water until (duh) boiling. add all powdered seasonings, allow to come back to boil. add a teaspoon of oil so the damn thing doesn’t boil over (it’s not an ingredient. technically). immediately fish out all the lumps from the Alfredo mix and curse about it being lumpy. Throw all the damn pasta in there and let it rock on (cool people talk for “simmer on medium”) until the pasta softens, and stir the pot constantly! When pasta is near-epic stir the pot with the half butterstick (you heard me) and throw in when bored. Let stand 5 mins and smash.
Remix: throw some sort of break product into the bottom of your bowl before topping with slop. It will extend the “soup” which can barely be called as such.
***Disclaiming Crap*** I never said this is gourmet food, and is mostly just gut filler and pantry Velcro. If within one bite you happen to:
Dry heave, throw up, throw down (I said it, bitch!), backflip, hemorrhage, shit thyself, fall asleep, contract The Itis (thank Eldwardo for this one) or just kick the bucket –
– you cannot blame me!
Lastly; I made this about 30 minutes ago and am still indeed consuming this concoction, so it cannot kill immediately. You name it, and it can mostly likely go into this. Happy eating and go get some Taco Blur instead.
Jesus Christ, are you stoned? Do you have any idea what that is going to do to your stomach? You’re going to die dude.. FUCK! Are you still alive? Has your insides formed a revolt yet? Let me know
You have any idea how insanely complicated that shit is for a kitchen simpleton like myself? I JUST LEARNED HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS DAMN YOU.
@Fisch Fail: The insides revolted, and survived, thank you for your consideration.
@paracit: Hah… step 1. eat all your good food. step 2. throw all the crap food together. step 3. eat. step 4. don’t vomit (waste of money!). Not too difficult